Determining my 10 desert island movies
In case it wasn't already clear, I'm far from a film snob
Man, I’m so glad I married into a Lake Powell family.
Savannah and I had a blast with her family last week down at Utah’s most-Instagrammed vacation destination. Back before I’d ever been there, I thought everyone’s Powell obsession was borderline cultish. “It’s just a lake,” I thought. “It can’t be that special.”
I couldn’t have been more wrong. That place rules. Good job, Utah.
Lake Powell is way out in the sticks, and I always feel so off the grid when I’m down there. If it wasn’t for the Starlink internet on Savannah’s grandpa’s houseboat, it would feel like a different planet. It’s a good thing I wasn’t a pioneer, because the boredom would have wrecked me well before Winter Quarters.
Being down in Powell’s picturesque, remote desert canyon got me thinking about what it would be like to somehow get stranded alone down there… and how much it would suck. What a disaster that would be for me. I definitely wouldn’t last very long. My survival skills are an embarrassment to fellow Eagle Scouts everywhere.
But if I had access to 10 movies, I might be motivated to hang in there a bit longer.
I’m a big movie guy. Going to see a movie in the theater is one of life’s most satisfying experiences. When I’m chilling at home and there’s no game on — or the Orioles are getting killed as per usual — I’m usually in movie mode. I just love movies. I hope to write one someday.
Thus, the time has come to select my 10 preferred desert island movies. I thought it might be a fun exercise to do on here as I continue trying to figure out what this blog is going to be. Thanks for reading, by the way. Eventually I’ll get the hang of the whole “actually posting here every week like I said I was going to” thing.
To me, desert island movies aren’t just your favorite movies or the best movies you’ve ever seen. They have to fit a more specific set of criteria based on the circumstances.
Here are my personal ground rules for desert island movies:
Comedies only. Being deserted somewhere is already enough drama for me. If I’m looking for a distraction from my dire circumstances, I’m going with something light. Plus, my eventual manic state will make the movies seem even funnier upon each rewatch.
There needs to be a wide range of actors represented to avoid growing tired of anyone. If I pick three different Will Ferrell movies, pretty soon I’m going to catch a terminal case of Will Ferrell fatigue, and nobody needs that. Thus, a main actor can only appear in one movie out of the 10 — no double dipping.
No long dullness. Being stranded is already boring enough, so I don’t need my entertainment to match that vibe. Sorry, “Napoleon Dynamite” and “Moneyball,” I love you both, but you’re off the list.
No major franchises. If a movie has a sequel or two, whatever, but if it’s part of an extensive series, you’ve got to steer clear. You can’t just pick one single Star Wars movie. If you watch one, you’re going to want to watch more. I don’t want to deal with that problem.
The movies need to have a memorable soundtrack. Movies are my only source of music in this deserted hypothetical, so I can’t be let down there.
No R-rated movies. This isn’t some kind of “holier than thou” thing, as I’ve definitely seen a few Rs before (sorry mom). However, if anyone is going to end up rescuing me on this desert island, it’s going to be missionaries, home teachers or some other dogged LDS force. Once that happens, I don’t want to have to awkwardly explain why I have a “Superbad” DVD with me.
With that being said, here are my 10 preferred desert island films.
Fletch (1985)
Main actor: Chevy Chase
There’s a case to be made that “Fletch” is the greatest journalism movie ever made. It may not be the strongest case, but it’s a case nonetheless. I hope to someday walk into the Deseret News offices with as much swagger as Chevy Chase does when he’s in the LA Times newsroom.
“Fletch” is a perfect movie. The suspense and mystery elements are thrilling, and watching Chevy mess with people as a bunch of different characters is like watching Van Gogh paint. He’s just a master.
Also, bonus points for having an entire Provo, Utah subplot! It’s truly an honor to reside in a “Fletch” location.
Back to School (1986)
Main actors: Rodney Dangerfield, Robert Downey Jr.
I love when movies build themselves entirely around the comic persona and style of one person, like when the 2012 Redskins ran wild with a read option offense because it was all RG3 could do.
“Back to School” is the perfect example of this. It’s basically just Rodney Dangerfield playing himself, firing off one-liner after one-liner as a 60 year old college student getting into random mischief everywhere he goes. Every other character — including a captivating young Robert Downey Jr! — exists solely to set up more jokes and punchlines from Rodney, which you just can’t get enough of.
It’s incredible. It has the charm of a live action cartoon, complete with a whimsical early Danny Elfman score. Seriously, have you ever heard a more fun main theme to a movie than this? It makes me want to go back to Helaman Halls for more freshman tomfoolery.
The Wedding Singer (1998)
Main actor: Adam Sandler
Adam Sandler has played a lot of loud, aggressive, borderline-psychopath characters with a heart of gold underneath, and he’s really good at it and I love him for it.
But what helps make “The Wedding Singer” so compelling is Sandler almost doing the opposite, portraying a wholesome goody two shoes — with a surprisingly awesome singing voice, by the way — who goes off the rails and has to find his sanity again.
It’s refreshing to see quality acting from Sandler, whose chemistry with Drew Barrymore is probably the best two actors have ever shared together in a romcom. I think the world needs a fourth movie from them.
“The Wedding Singer” is really funny, really sweet and just makes you feel good. The soundtrack is more stacked than the ‘92 Dream Team — I think it holds the record for the CD I’ve played most in my car.
And truthfully, if the movie was nothing more than just the Billy Idol scenes, it would still find a spot on this list.
That Thing You Do (1996)
Main actor: Tom Hanks
How much of a genius is Tom Hanks? At the absolute peak of his power, he wrote and directed a movie (which he also stars in, albeit as one of the stranger Tom Hanks characters we’ve seen) based entirely around a fictional song, yet after hearing the song probably 60-70 times during the movie, you don’t even end up hating it! In fact, it only grows more endearing upon each listen!
Of course, much of that is due to “That Thing You Do” being one of the catchiest songs in recorded human history, but also because the world Hanks builds around the song within the film is so delightful.
“That Thing You Do” is just a flat-out satisfying movie. It’s light, well-paced, incredibly funny and one of the best ways to spend an hour and 50 minutes.
I just can’t believe Tom Everett Scott didn’t become a bigger star. It’s woefully ironic that the lead in a movie about a one-hit wonder ended up becoming an acting one-hit wonder himself, but his performance as Guy Patterson is enough to make him a legend for life in my book, like the Spin Doctors with that “Two Princes” song.
Kingpin (1996)
Main actors: Bill Murray, Woody Harrelson
Yes, “Kingpin” is outrageous, unhinged and filthy. When I first saw it as a high school freshman, I couldn’t believe a movie like it actually existed. It was unlike anything I’d ever seen before and I probably watched it every week for a good four months or so.
But buried underneath the raunchiness, there’s a gripping sports movie. I’m not doing a bit here. I don’t care that it’s about bowling. The third act with Woody Harrelson trying to take down Bill Murray (at perhaps his absolute craziest) is a terrifically riveting sports drama, and I’d put those 30 minutes up against 70-80% of other films also trying to pull off an underdog trope.
I realize how ridiculous I must sound right now, but once again, I’m being dead serious.
No matter how many times I’ve seen it, the final bowling frame always has me on the edge of my seat. Now THAT’S cinema! This movie rules, and so does the soundtrack.
Dirty Work (1998)
Main actors: Norm MacDonald, Chris Farley
It’s simple: to me, Norm MacDonald is the funniest human being to ever walk this earth. Thus, a movie where Norm pulls a Rodney Dangerfield in “Back to School” and just runs the offense himself is going to absolutely murder me.
Norm is Norming at peak levels. Chris Farley is on another planet. Don Rickles comes in for two plays and throws two touchdowns. This movie may have the greatest collection of bit parts and scenes ever assembled. It’s glorious.
It may be the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen, but I don’t care. I love it with my whole heart. This may be an indictment on my ability to offer anything of value to society, but I would watch “Dirty Work” every day if I could. We need more movies like this in 2025!
Wayne’s World (1992)
Main actors: Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Rob Lowe
There’s only been one moment in my life where I legitimately considered the idea that I might have picked the wrong friends: when me and the boys crammed into our Provo apartment to watch “Wayne’s World” a few years ago, and not a single other person besides myself found it funny. So bogus and sad.
I don’t know exactly why I love “Wayne’s World” so much. It just makes me laugh, smile and laugh even more. The jokes all hit for me. The characters are fun to hang out with.
Mike Myers fascinates me — “So I Married an Axe Murderer” nearly made this list — and I just enjoy appreciating the great performances he’s delivered since he refuses to make anything this good anymore. Once again, so bogus and sad.
Hot Rod (2007)
Main actors: Andy Samberg, Bill Hader
For most of “Hot Rod,” you’re laughing at how dumb it is, and then you laugh even more at the fact that you’re laughing. That’s a special skill for a comedy.
But every once in a while, “Hot Rod” will slip in something so sneakily smart — like when Rod asks if he’s just walked in on some sort of interactive theater art piece — that you realize every ounce of absurdity and silliness in the movie has actually been carefully calculated and handcrafted as such. It’s almost scientific.
Maybe I’m giving it too much credit. But Andy Samberg is hysterical and everyone around him is firing on all cylinders as well. Both the falling down the mountain and downtown riot scenes are among the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my life.
The Naked Gun (1988)
Main actor: OJ Simpson
The first time I watched “The Naked Gun,” it made me laugh harder than any other movie I’d ever seen before. It didn’t matter that I was home alone and sick in bed, I was howling from start to finish.
I told that to my Dad, who then shared that the hardest he ever saw my Grandpa laugh during a movie also came during “The Naked Gun,” so that means a lot to me. It’s the gold standard for comedy. I really hope this summer’s reboot doesn’t flop.
The RM (2003)
Main actor: A bunch of random Mormons
Hear me out: if I’m stuck on a desert island, I won’t be able to go to church, and who knows if I’ll even have my scriptures there. I can’t be stranded without any connection to my LDS roots!
That’s where “The RM” comes in. I’m obsessed with early 2000s Mormon comedies, and at some point I’ll probably write a blog post here where I rank all of them. “The RM” isn’t the best entry within the prolific genre, but it’s probably the most iconic, poking fun of and capturing the widest range of LDS life. I hope Mormon movies like this make a comeback someday. It’s exactly what this world needs.
Also, the film’s soundtrack of pop punk covers of church hymns is just incredible. I hope all of the musicians who helped make those songs possible are rewarded with automatic exaltation.
Defending a few controversial omissions
It was excruciating to cut all my favorite movies down to just 10 — especially with the self-imposed guidelines I made up — so here’s my rationale for a few titles that didn’t make it on the island.
Tommy Boy
It’s a classic, and I love it more than probably four or five other movies on the list. However, I did say that actors can’t star in more than one of the 10 island picks (extended cameos don’t count), and rules are rules.
Therefore, I could either choose to have Chris Farley and Rob Lowe together in “Tommy Boy,” or I could have both “Dirty Work” for Farley and “Wayne’s World” for Lowe. The latter was clearly a no-brainer.
Dodgeball
Similar to “Tommy Boy,” this comes down to wanting two different movies on the list instead of just one.
“Dodgeball” is fantastic, but it’s not too far off from a cross between “Kingpin” and “Hot Rod.” Once again, the two movies usually trump the one. Forgive me, Average Joe’s Gym!
School of Rock
Another movie I absolutely adore — with one fatal flaw.
Ned’s girlfriend, played by Sarah Silverman, is one of the most insufferable characters in the history of cinema. Every moment she’s on the screen is painful.
As much as I love Jack Black and think this movie is pure brilliance, I can’t fathom the idea of being stuck on a desert island with that awful Sarah Silverman character. It’s as simple as that. Next!
Any Will Ferrell movie
Will Ferrell is a genius, but seriously, what’s the move here?
I can’t go with “Old School” or “Step Brothers” since they’re both R. I think “Anchorman” is kinda overrated. “Elf” is a Christmas movie. “Talladega Nights” and “Blades of Glory” are really funny, but I don’t think they’re desert island-worthy. "Kicking and Screaming” is great, but if I didn’t bring a baseball movie on the island (with the exception of “Naked Gun”), I’m certainly not stranding myself with a soccer flick.
“Megamind” is elite, but if only one animated movie is making the list, it’s “Over the Hedge.”
Side note — if I did this same desert island exercise but with animated movies, it would look like this:
Over the Hedge
Megamind
Surf’s Up
The Simpsons Movie
The Spongebob Movie
Bee Movie
Open Season (not for the movie — it sucks — but solely for the Paul Westerberg soundtrack)
The Emperor’s New Groove
Monster’s University
Leo
The most obvious Will Ferrell choice would be “The Other Guys,” one of the movies that’s made me laugh the hardest over the years — especially thanks to Michael Keaton. However, the last half hour of the movie totally loses me. It goes way too into the weeds with the banking collapse subplot and all the financial stuff and yadda yadda yadda. Too complicated. I’d rather stick with something more mindless like “Dirty Work.”
My recent work
I thought it might be fun to start ending these blog posts with a quick look at some of the stuff I’ve written lately for the Deseret News. I’m nothing if not a shameless self-promoter.
Obviously, two of the biggest stories out of BYU last week were the commitment of 5-star quarterback prospect Ryder Lyons, and then Egor Demin being drafted No. 8 overall by the Brooklyn Nets. I wrote a lot about both topics, and rightfully so, because they’re both massive stories. History!
5-star quarterback prospect Ryder Lyons has committed to BYU
How analysts have graded the Brooklyn Nets drafting Egor Demin
Egor Demin is BYU’s latest NBA first rounder. Here’s how the others fared
Before all that BYU news, I wrote a column where I shared my master plan for bring Major League Baseball to Utah, even if just for one night: playing a specialty game themed around “The Sandlot,” since the movie was filmed in the Beehive State. Can you imagine how much fun that would be? All I want (besides an Orioles World Series win) is to see MLB action in Utah someday. Make it happen, baseball gods!
And finally, I just wrote a profile about a BYU basketball player and some inspiring stuff he’s doing that will be published later this week. It’s one of the most personally meaningful stories I’ve ever written, and I’m really grateful that he trusted me to help tell it. I can’t wait to share it with you all soon. Until then, go watch “Dirty Work” for me.